Idk

A rock and a hard place is where I stand. I don't know what to do anymore. My heart is on fire and not in the good way. This heat wave is nothing compared to what I feel. I don't know how to feel right now. This is a place I thought I would never be again. I am torn, to say the least, between bogus rules and real wants. My heart....... but I digress, for I sound a bit selfish. She doesn't understand how much her words flow through my everything. She doesn't know how the mere utterance for happiness from her lips sends cascades of joy through my veins, through my body. The pain  that is here now isn't going to go away until I leave this place.... AGAIN. I left because I can't stand the fact that I have to feel this way. I left because there was a better place for me and it was the best place to be, up under her. I left because my heart and my soul agreed that I would live another year by making this decision. Oh, don't get me wrong. I'm not gonna fall off the planet when I now have a purpose. I have to shore up and stockpile my patience back to where it needs to be, because I'm going to need it. I don't know what life has in store for me, but I know that the caretaker of my heart was sent. I don't know how those who read this will take it, but I know you all have felt this way at one point or another. Love is a hard emotion to battle with. It doesn't blind you, as people would have you believe  because if that were the case, John 3:16 wouldn't be what it is. Love is an entity which resides within us all. We sometimes make the mistake and use it irresponsibly, but it's true to us nonetheless. The love that resides in me was sent by He who knows my afflictions. I love Him and I love her. I know what I have to do now.

TBC.......

Shower Thought

Shower Thought

You ever wondered if the men and women that run corporations did it by screwing each other? I always wondered..... People have "shagged" to get to the top, but is it right? Who knows? The American dream has converted from 40 acres and a mule to wanting a Bentley, a driver and a lot of fucking money. Who wants to be happy when money is all we worry about?

Interesting

Listening to this bird chick in my ear yellin
Makes me see that we need to stop stressin
Over some of the stupid shit we do
What you think? You not gettin hurt, fool?

The Destroyer

I didn't even see it coming this time. Always catches me off guard and always does some damage..... The Destroyer was a bad mindset that came over me, specifically during my relationships to screw them over. As I grew up, it got worse. The main reason I took a break from relationships back in 2009 was to try and destroy the destroyer. Obviously,  if I'm writing this, then it has shown its ugly face again. This time, my jokes have made my life hell. This current relationship is the blood that keeps me going. It was for this reason that I took a break and worked on me. But as I thought about it, since she won't speak to me, my test of character has begun early. By God's grace, I will pass because I love her.

The decisions we make

Do you think that the choices we make are what decide our lives or do other peoples choices matter??? I was watching The Adjustment Bureau and this question came to mind.  To watch the movie and see how their lives would be altered by the fact that they were together was crazy.  He wouldn't be able to be the President and she wouldn't be able to be the greatest choreographer in the world.  The question that pops into my mind is: does love really mean as much as you think it does?  This movie portrays love as the destruction of your dreams, but I disagree.  Life has so many ups and downs so that love gets forgotten in the shuffle.  Is love really important?  Can we rely on that emotional roller coaster to make our lives meaningful??  Looking back in life, I realized that love teaches the most lessons...

Shower Thought

You ever wondered if the men and women that run corporations did it by screwing each other? I always wondered..... People have "shagged" to get to the top, but is it right? Who knows? The American dream has converted from 40 acres and a mule to wanting a Bentley, a driver and a lot of fucking money. Who wants to be happy when money is all we worry about?

Growing Up

Life is a time where you get burned, and then you survive. It isn't something that we ever expect to do, but it happens. We go through life watching our parents wake up every morning, get dressed, and go to work. Sometimes they're happy, but most of the time, they aren't. We never wonder why.... and then we start school and understand that things won't be fed to us anymore. We now have to work to get anything we want and since then, we haven't liked it. What choice do we have? Life is made to give you choices that will not only better you, but make you grow as well. I have to admit that my mother was a great woman. She taught me how to function, even while under adversity, stress, and many other things. She also taught me how to pay attention to others needs. She helped me grow up. My life growing up wasn't what I expected of it, but I've had to roll with the punches somehow. No one can make the claim that every decision they made was a good one, but we all have had to make them to survive.... to grow. I hope that when I start my family that I can prepare my children so that their growing process was a little smoother than mine. I also have to give thanks to the wonderful people in my life, friends and loved ones alike, living or passed. Every single one of you have impacted me to grow and I thank you all. I will continue to grow and hopefully prosper in this life.

The White Knight
Grey Hairs of the Heart