Friends, or the lack of them.....

Why is it that women will almost always hang out??? So much so that they make a TV show out of it, but men are no where to be fucking found??? Maybe it's because some women take life more seriously than men. I know that because when I look around, I see women driving, women lending men money, women taking control. I always see men in general, either on the bus or driving an expensive car that can be repoossessed by the police... Where are my friends...................

Loneliness=Frustration

The walls..... I'm tired of staring...
The chairs....I'm tired of sitting....
I'm drowning in my own sorrow, filth, and sadness
Filllin my mind with lonliness and frustration.
Like emotional castration.
A bad situation....

I don't know how to feel now.... My heart can't take any more drama. I just want to love and be loved. Some days I wonder: if I was drunk every day, if things would be ok for me. Part of me says no and my pockets aren't loud enough. I'm a broken vessel and I don't feel as though I deserve the repairs.

I'm frustrated..............

YAHA Day 2

It's after 12 and I'm having sooo many problems, none of which any human can help me cope with. I don't like being alone. It tears me apart from the seams. It destroys my inner character, the me that I have been trying to develop from a long time ago. I cannot maintain on my own. I really can't I just walked out of a seminar where it's telling me that all the things that I would like to do have prerequisites. These prerequisites have stipulations that I can't meet. My heart won't survive another relationship right now. I heard about an acquaintance who had jumped off of a builing, all sue to stress. I never want to get to that point, even though I know that I have gotten close.... A lil too close for commfort for my own liking, if I even have that sort of thing. I know what I have to do, but my mindset is stuck on so much different things, that I don't know which way to go. It hurts too often. I'm almost at the point where casual firting will hurt, again.... and this is only Day 2

YAHA Day 1

The deay has begun!!!! The flight was good, to say the least. The Briscoffs were to die for lololol. Getting off the plane and into the Shuttle bus, however, was another deal. I'm here on vacation, but I know that stress follows you wherever you go.  So, I know that this weekend CAN be relaxing, if I be grimey and selfish (which isn't me at all.) But, we'll see. Today is only Day 1..................