Father Tips from the movie Taken

I just watched one of the best father/daughter movies in a while. Lol just kidding but this movie was fantastic just the same.  The movie Taken shows how being an overprotective father isn't a bad thing. Yea, of course, we don't need to be putting bullets in people, but the concept is the same: protect the daughter, by any means necessary. Ironically, some mother/son relationships don't flow the same. In father/daughter relationships, the daughter finds out at some point what she did wrong, but some sons don't ever find out. Sucks to be us, huh. Yea, I know. Not everyone suffers, but to those who have, I extend my hat to you. You are still breathing. Some of us aren't somewhere in the world. Not all of us could take that. We all need an outlet. Some turn to drugs, others turn to friends, who might do two things: help or hurt. Don't get me wrong, all friends are out there to help.  Not all friends help correctly, and that's how the end up hurting people. Some friends help with advice and support, others help with drugs and other alterior things. Who knows... Just be careful out there. And to all those who are daughters and had good fathers, give them a big hug.  To those who had bad fathers, tell him about himself, in front of the family ( after you told your mother first).

Dueces,

White Knight

Where you need to be...

The sky, so serene, yet so calming and wishing that we were there to experience it.

The sand, relaxing and hot in the sun, relaxing and cool during a night like this.

The water, flowing, yet there's a destructive force tamed by the sand and the sky.

Combine them and you have a moment in time so vivid and fresh that it can define your life.

Integrate them and you will have an instantaneous, emotional, fiery, compassionate scene that is the epitome of everything you have ever felt in your life...

Only thing missing is you, Boomsuga....

Signed, 

The White Knight 

Why I miss him...

As the days turn to weeks, months, and years, the amount of advice I need doesn't change.  I still need guidance because life doesn't make it any easier to live without a male role model. I already know what most of you are thinking: get over it. Well, I fucking haven't and I can guarantee that most of you have a family member in your life that you've lost and that YOU can't get over. So, I still miss my brother more than breathing.  Not everyone understand, but IDGAF, honestly.  I still need someone to look up to and to understand why shit is the way it is. I still don't get it most of the time... Don't judge me........ Deuces.

My eye

I wonder what I see when I look through the camera lens.  Then, I load the pictures to my computer, and it begins to make sense.  I have begun to believe that photography might be my calling, besides psychology and massage therapy. I feel at ease when holding a camera.  It's as though the camera finds and speaks the words that I could never find, think, or formulate.  As the shutter closes, the words are set in a state that I can mentally translate into rivers and oceans of emotion that haven't had an outlet in millennium (even though I haven't been alive that long).

As the stairs of life lose their shade, we have to wonder if we can still climb to our dreams.  How can we make it to the top? Can we walk it? Can we bring the color back?

Does your road through life look like this? Monotone and colorless? Well what you have to do is find what brings color to your life, whether it is a significant other (insert girlfriend, boyfriend, husband, or wife name here) or a hobby (like jewelry making).

Find the rose in your life that illuminates the dark parts in your life.

Find the purity that makes waking up in the morning something worth it.

This is what My eye sees......

Blast from the past....

I just went searching for my first blog. Unfortunately, Blogger wasn't my first (lol).

http://non-violent-sniper.xanga.com/

Check it out and tell me if I've grown.....


White Knight

Feelings in terms of relationships

You're the peanut to my butter because without you, I would be oil, not being able to have feeling or meaning.  But with you.... WITH YOU..... we mix and flow into one that is pleasing to the mouth, that is pleasing to the one who hears the beautiful melody, harmony, and accompaniment of orchestral sounds that you just call... your voice.

White Knight Copyrighted....


Will update later....

Acceptance

Why is it that this concept runs my every waking moment? Why do I feel like I have to make everyone like me or I will die inside? Why does this heartache not dissipate when new friends are made or new relations are set in stone? Why do I need acceptance? Why do I crave it? Easy............ Because many people that have gone through my life don't really give a shit. Don't get me wrong... There are people that care. It's just that the simple fact that I've never been accepted for who or what I am. I've been accepted for who I can be in the future. Well, NEWS FLASH FUCKERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That isn't me yet. Don't get mad when the Knight that you want is still a bum trying to please the world now and can't do much for himself. What the fuck? It's less than 24 hours before my 28th birthday and what am I doing??? Venting because this all hurts so goddamn much. People don't understand why I'm always in pain.... Because it never goes away for me.... I don't get that fucking luxury.... Thanks world!!!!! I don't get the button that lets you live somewhat peacefully... Hell, I don't get the button that lets me have a fucking useful college degree.... The tears are sitting in my fucking eyes as usual but won't fall.... What the fuck did I do to deserve a shitty life such as this......... My pain racks my body like electricity going through train tracks... Non-stop. Even when I'm happy or laughing, if you look closely, I'm still hurting. I already know what most of my friends will tell me after reading this...... "everyone goes through this".... "it's just a phase"... Well fuck, if everyone goes through this, why is it that everyone hasn't been through college for almost 12 fucking years without a stable usable degree, huh?? Why?? I don't know... I don't know anymore... I don't have the energy to fight anymore.... It all hurts too much to think or feel anymore... Times heals shit...... I don't accept myself.....

Dueces

My Past, My Present, My Destruction...

As I look through my life and my past relations, I start to see a trend that hasn't stopped. The trend is that I'm not going any fucking where!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I don't know why... Maybe it's because I'm not serious enough... Or maybe it's because I never put myself first (more about that in another blog). Maybe I really don't know what I want to do, how I should live my life, or whether I should be breathing still.... I don't know what to do with myself anymore. I am starting to feel sad all the time again. I hated and loved this feeling because it never left me. I'm trying to be happy.... I'm trying to be normal, but alas my endeavors to join society and put together a ramshackle of an existence is proving to be damn near motherfucking impossible. As I looked back, I see that everyone that was there isn't anymore. When I look at my present, I see that everyone around me is moving forward. Everyone tells me that I'm smart, intelligent, and all that cute shit. But what it all boils down to is this simple thing: I'm not doing a thing with my life and I HATE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I feel that my mind will explode due to this enormous reservoir of bottled up, stored away, untouched negativity that has taken permanent residence in my heart and soul. when it does explode, it will take my life from the shit that it is and do one of two things: make everything clearer so I know my path or kill me.........

What's it gonna be...................

Nursing Home

When i hear the words "Nursing Home," my body would itch and hurt because we all hear the horror stories about how people are mistreated at these places.  But I wonder, is it the older generations fault that we as a younger generation have gotten so money hungry that their lives and the care that they are given aren't as important anymore?  Do we really see life as important or is it just another dollar sign? But I digress... Even with all that being said, when I think of my own grandmother going back and forth from the hospital because of something or the other, I honestly believe that it would be safer and more along the lines of caring if she were in a nursing home...... I know it sounds bad, but I don't like to know that she fell while cooking and she's in the hospital for a week or she's having real bad breathing problems and other complications that I can't bring myself to think about right now. Her quality of life might change if those circumstances changed, but who knows? They might not and she might be better off home, but this is just me venting.....

Mental Flow.... #2

As everything gushes out like an unpredictable geyser, my mind is purging like a volcano. Never thought I would be back here.  I don't know how to phrase this anymore.  I don't know how to leave here anymore.  People close to be are hurting because I don't know what to do.  Pain is in excess, the flow is backed up.  Not knowing where to go, it back flows like regurgitation... back into my system.  School's a pain, life's a pain, pain is a pain.  Lol. Too funny, isn't it?  I can't deal anymore, but I have to because no one else can do it for me.

Flow

Feeling the slip sliding of thoughts flowing in my brain.... The ebb and flow of wow and hmmm as I walk aimlessly through the day... The wondering of whether I'm too soft or not the right flavor for the various settings of different relationships in my life. Is this supposed to be painless? I don't think so....
Watching the ebb and pulse making me tip toe through the brush and causing an internal blush...
Cuz i'm too dark for it to occur externally where everyone can see...
Not knowing how to deal with the flow of everything so real...
Dodging the rush of battleships in my heart trying to sink me and tear me apart....
Taking one step forward and eighteen steps back only to walk the same road again...
Agony, pain, distrust, disdain are all feelings that I have docked at before but i keep returning...
Why??? Why do I go back? Why do I flow near?? Why??? I don't know... All I can do is watch the flow....

Compliment

When people speak of complimenting something, you usually think of making positive comments towards a person's attire.  They also refer to how angles compliment to equal 90 or 180 degrees.  I'm referring to compliments in terms of relationships.  For two people to compliment each other, the two much understand and accept one another mentally and physically.  To understand a person mentally, you must be able to look past the other person's flaws.  Not only to look past them, but to accept them for who they are.  To understand a person physically, your goal is to not to try to change a person, but to help them change themselves.  We all have made the mistake of trying to convert people to our wants and needs, and not accepting the person for who they were.  Unfortunately, there are somethings to watch out for.  These things are susceptible to change because there are components to a relationship that can alter most of these.

• Someone who you can understand when you first meet them might not be the same person in 3-6 months.
• The heart of a person is impressionable, regardless of what they say.  It depends on what impression lasts...
• Compromise is the life force of all relationships.  Without it, everything will soon fall apart, whether it be friendship or a marriage.  
• Trust is a mindset that can't work without Compromise.  trust cannot stand on it's own.  To truly trust someone, regardless of circumstance, is to understand them and the ability to compromise.
• You can't forcibly adjust someone's  communication patterns, unless they are open to said change.

When things fall apart, heartache is like the mushroom cloud that you see in movies after a huge bomb explodes, because the actual breakup is the actual bomb.  Most people attribute the breakup to sex, cheating, and a multitude of other reasons, but I believe that the underlying reason is a loss of compromise and understanding.  Once these two pillars fall, the relationship will cave in on itself unless something is done.  Happiness will cease unless the two can still compliment one another.

Find your compliment..........

Done......

Burnt out... Fried.... Cooked... Baked... None of these words can truly put together what I feel inside... My heart is torn every which way and my mind with it. I don't know what to do, where to go, how to feel.... My brain feels like it's been sitting on an overheated radiator in the middle of summer. I don't want to go to school, or work, or out of the fuckin' house for that matter. I feel everything crashing down around me... I'm tired of putting up the face of a happy muthafucka. It's starting to sicken me. I'm starting to detest even smiling. I can't take it.... I'm tired... I'm done...

The truth behind the gate: Part I

My mind are running everywhere and I don't know where to start.  My heart is bent backwards, sideways, and upside down trying to sort out what's inside.  The black market is murder, for real.  Attempting to tear me apart, limb from limb, heart chamber from heart chamber.  It's torn me in so many different ways, it's ridiculous.  Women think it's easy to be a nice guy, to be compassionate, kind, sweet, and caring without it having an effect on you.  The truth behind the gate is that the pain in one's heart is usually more than they can bear.  Usually, the individual will take it out on others whether they choose to or not.  To stud women would take years on end, and they might just feel the say ways about men.  They don't completely say how they feel for fear of being hurt and when they get hurt, they get mad at the man whose supposed to interpret exactly what she was thinking and how she felt because men have to be freakin' mind readers.  Those same women claim that men don't know what they want, when in fact some women are mad that what men want is so simple.  You don't need a quantum physics textbook to solve a Sudoku puzzle,so why would women think that you need to be complex when dealing with the heart?  I understand that relationships aren't easy and most people always hear the worst from their friends/relatives, but if the emotional maturity is present, then things are possible.

Parts of me, forced together

I feel like I have lived my life to appease the masses. There's a me for parties, there's a me for school. There was a me for church and a me for masking things. There's a me for fun and a me for stress. I've spent my life forcing all these different me's together, trying to make them work. Look at me now. A mess. There are like 39 different me's in my head, all prepared for different scenarios, but none of them are right. None of them are the real me....They all have parts to who I am.

I'm a whiner, a crier, a punk, a baby, an affectionate, a clown, and I'm not normal.

When can I get to the point that the parts of me that counted are made whole??

Apart

Apart.....

Tripping, stumbling, falling, lost... is where I am. I don't know where to go. I don't know what to feel. I am disconnected from myself. I'm stuck in 100 different ruts without an escape. I made myself a hermit. I am apart. Apart from everything. Apart from my feelings, thought processes, true needs and desires. I am apart. I am not used to deciding, thinking, feeling, or responding on my own anymore. I am apart. I am in school, just to be there. I am home, just to be here. I am apart. I feel lost from everything and anything, but yet He is there.

You start to wonder why He sticks around, why you end up in certain places, feeling certain ways, thinking that you can never get anything right. Maybe I'm looking wrong. Sometimes I feel that way, sometimes I don't. I am apart. I don't know how to pull it all together anymore.

To all my friends that keep repeating the right things in my ear, please keep doing so.
To all my ex's that I have hurt in the past, please forgive me.
To all the people that came to me for advice, if you ever see that I need some advice and you feel compelled to do so, by all means you are welcome.

I need help, just as much as anyone else. I'm falling apart and it isn't at the seams anymore. It's at the core.

I am apart....

The things people do and those that don't believe...

Do people really believe that the choices that the ones they love make choices that hurt them, but will help them? Have you ever been put in that situation, where a decision that you've had to make a choice that was beneficial to someone in the long run, but painful in the short term?

Alone.....

Mentally, emotionally, physically, sexually, spiritually.... All of these are different ways that one can have the unfortunate feeling of being alone. Craving touch, emotion, attention, comfort, salvation are things that make people go to extents that usually they would not attempt. Women will chase after men that they know are wrong for them, men will chase women that will give them the attention that they desire, people will chase after drugs and other paraphernalia that will give them the feeling of escape, wanting to forget experiences, memories, hate, lost love, and a plethora of different life situations.

Have you ever had the saddening, sickening feeling of loneliness, even when sitting in a group of people?  Laying next to someone you care about?  It's that feeling that drives us all to combat it in every other way but what we're supposed to do: actually sit down by ourselves and figure it out....

Ask yourself the question:  Do you feel alone?

Love Questions and Answers

A friend of mine asked me several questions and I've chosen to answer them on here...


How is it that love is patient?
When two people love each other seriously, that love is supposed to be able to persevere through all situations. It is supposed to endure the struggles and foster affection towards the other, regardless of circumstance.

For you, what is love?
To me, love is the the end of a beginning and the beginning of a new world. It ends some of the kidding around when you just like someone and it begins the inquiry of whether you can live with this person for the rest of your life. You can love someone as much as you love to breathe, but your love will compel you to let them go, even if you might not want it. You will be happy with the decision.

How do we learn to love?
We learn by experience.

Do you believe that love is one, or everyone has their own version?
Love has different versions for everyone because no two people fall in love the same way.  It's personal, yet universal.

How come that does not behave rudely, and always perseveres and is not selfish?
Not too sure.

Is it possible that we can love without pain?
That's like someone asking me if you can live without breathing. The two run together, inseparable like red and white blood cells.

A stranger in my house

I don't want to be a stranger
A man who will endanger
My friends and my family
All those close to me
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Interesting Thought

The million dollar question that everyone asks, but few have the answer to.  The moment of truth that most lie on. The ugly day where you want the sun to shine but it rains all day. What is this thing, this question, this moment of dread?  It’s when the person you were either dating, are still dating, or married to asks the question: what do you want from me?  The question freezes you to the ground.  God forbid if you were driving when this question hits as possible unconsciousness might be a result.  Most people give the generic answers, just to get the person off their back.  Others tell the truth: I don’t know.  Even that sometimes may be perceived as a lie because supposedly everyone should know what they want.  They should always have a mental list of what they want so that if the need arises, the question can be answered flawlessly.  Lol.  A flawless answer…. Isn’t that a paradox?  Nothing in this world is flawless.  Even the most “perfect” diamond is perfect because of the fact that it has the least amount of perceivable flaws.  You can’t even answer with the generic “whatever you want to give” because if they choose to give nothing, you can’t complain-that is what you asked for. The fact of the matter is that most men don’t know what they want when a woman asks them.  The question forces all thought out of the mind, even the thought process with the answer in it.  So, when someone asks you that question, whomever it is, tell them the truth.  It might hurt you and them, but it’s what it is.

White Knight

It is Time....

It is time... to out for yourself
It is time... to protect one's own health
It is time... to believe in your gifts
It is time... to be your own lift

If you want others to believe in you, you do it first
if you need others to trust you, quench your thirst
for acceptance in this world by accepting the fact
that you aren't the perfect one, so cut yourself some slack

Life isn't easy, trust me I know
it can easily swoop down and crush you in a blow
but if you want to stay off the ground
if you want to stick around
and realize your dream
give yourself a little steam
God will do the rest

I just realized that the only one who can clean you up, fix you right, gain trust, love and live life is God, but you have to trust the gifts that He's put inside you first. As I am writing this, I am looking at the plank in my own eye, the amount of disbelief that I have had in my own abilities, strengths, and endowments. I need you change that and so do you. Whoever decides to read this must understand that we can do all things through Christ who gives us strength, right? But I had a thought: strength for what... strength to believe.... to have faith in what He's already given us... I know the road isn't going to be easy and the trials more difficult, but I will succeed because I now understand and I have to remind myself daily that God is on my side to help me believe in me through Him. Take your time and believe in yourself....

White Knight

Life

The ins, the outs, the ups, the downs, the round and rounds of life

Like a merry go round, like a roller coaster, no one gets the same seat

No one takes the same track, no one goes the same route

Different seats, different paths, unless they are parallel

How do we ride this ride? We can steer somewhat…

We steer through our life story with our own naïve minds at the wheel

Some help from our peers, but that never helps much but to steer us somewhere weird

They never know how to present the right path the right way.

Always lost, our peers they are. Hmmm.. But I digress

Watching people get lost due to their stress

Steering their life story through a whole lot of mess

And it’s harder because people just don’t want to understand

Everything is solved in violence, pain, and suffering.

All because one person wants to understand too little too late

When the brains are splattered against the floor

And the breath is no more

That’s when all the words seem to flow together

You instantly learn what you need to say

When you know that someone’s life pen can stop today.

                                    

That is the ride of life…..

White Knight a.k.a.Richard R.

Love, an interesting concept

I'm writing this now because it just occurred to me. What the Bible labels love is something that most people won't you.... I repeat, it is something most people WON'T do.  Why, you ask? Because from what I'm gathering, it's more than you think.  I Corinthians 13 starts by saying that if one has the faith to move mountains and doesn't have love, he is nothing.  Luke 6:27-36 says that we should love those that hate us, bless those who curse us..... Hmmmm. Can we really..... It sounds like an unlikely situation, but it's possible. I know I'm not there yet.  I still have my sins and those to whom I've committed sins.  Yet, I want to say that I won't be deterred in my quest to attain such a mindset, but I gotta be real... I've built my life around trying to keep people happy. Has it worked? Of course not.... People are still mad at me.... Mad that their expectations of me aren't what I've given... Mad that I didn't give enough... you know what??? Ima try and love y'all anyways.  I'm dying slowly inside because I can't please you all and your high expectations and your goals and your stuff.... Slowly.... You ain't gotta believe me..... When you get to my funeral, don't be shocked..... But I digress, I've swerved off topic lol.  Love is an interesting concept, but you have to keep God ahead of the pack because if you live a life trying to get others to love you by loving them 2-3 times as much, you're in for a rude awakening.....

Peace

Screwed any way you go....

I'm talking to  friend of mine online, and she said that her and her friend are freaked out about my knowledge of things in the life of a female. I mean, come on!!! Experience is gained through two avenues: first-hand or through the passing of knowledge in conversation. I get all my knowledge through convos that I have with my other female friends. I really don't sit there and purposefully piss women off. Maybe I might be too in tune with my "feminine" side, but I never thought it would be a problem, but it OBVIOUSLY is... I don't know......

I had a dream...

I had a dream....that love isn't completely something that you have to chase and embarrass yourself for, but it is something given to you by God for you to maintain.

I had a dream.... that affection is only a tumbler in the lock that can constitute happiness in every situation.

I had a dream.... that trust isn't only earned, it is also given freely due to unconditional love.... don't take my word for it... Ask God...

I had a dream.... that friendship, in the true sense of the word, will keep you alive, regardless of your mental, physical, or emotional state.

I had a dream.... that I will stay alive long enough to find my love, affection, and happiness. 

Will my dream come true?

Not Real

Have you ever watched a person laugh and wondered if the laugh was real? Have you ever felt that your expressions, responses, and gestures weren't real?
The look in your eyes........ Not real
A frown in disguise............ Not real
A heated discussion, a joke, a snicker, laugh, cackle, all not real. Why?

Cuz we're all used to being fake..............

Can you follow God and be lazy?

Can a dog chase a ball while sitting down? Will a marathon be raced when everyone is at home? Can you make it to Heaven without trying? I feel a little stupid writing this because now I see that I'm caught up in it. I am a lazy Christian, which I now see to be an oxymoron. something that can't exist.... Something wrong, morally and spiritually. How can a man be a man when he isn't doing anything for himself or the family he wants to have? The wife he wants to marry or has already married? How can a woman be a woman when she isn't supporting herself, her husband, or her family? How can children be a product of their parents when they aren't in school doing right? How can we as a people following Christ not do what we were called to do, not for eternal life, but for our neighbors and friends?

I honestly don't know, but 2010 will give me the answer....

Reflective Knight

I don't have the time....

I was speaking to an old friend of mine and catching up. The thought processes led me to this:

I don't have the time....

I don't have the time to baby a person who doesn't want anything in life
that sits home wasting and claiming that they are the best
you sitting at home watching TV, not cleaning, playing games, eating food
nothing constructive. I don't have the time to raise a family and you together
one has got to go.

Reflective Knight

High Maintenance.... Is it worth it?

Is it worth it? Is it worth it to spend hundreds of dollars on clothes, shoes, bags, sneakers, fitted caps, etc? Is it worth it do live your life validated by the clothes you wear, the hairstyle you have, and the phone you carry? Is it worth it to judge a person only by their paycheck and not by their personality as well? 

I'm just asking the questions......

                   You answer them............