No Turning Back...

As 2010 looms its ominous head, I am starting to understand a couple of things about myself and those around me. People have called me selfish, rude, etc. I might be inclined to agree due to my past issues, faults, problems, and shortcomings, but I won't anymore. As of January 1, 2010, I will not turn back and look at my shortcomings. I will not turn back and look at my faults. My past issues and problems will only be in my mind just to reinforce the fact that I have to learn from them. They have been a stumbling block in my path, only there for causing problems. Not any more.... With God at my side, I will be victorious! I will not be a punching bag for those who don't understand me...

I AM NOT TURNING BACK.....

White Knight in Transition

The way things were...

Have you ever seen the video game The Prince of Persia? If you do something wrong, you can use the Sands of Time to replay time and try again... I see now that we as humans want that power, or so we think. I am more so talking about problematic relationships, marriages, etc.. One person will always say "I want things to go back to the way things were", and not realize what they are asking for until it's too late. We are all culprits of that statement. We all want things to go back to before there were problems. But, the problem with that mentality is this: we want to go back, but we don't realize when the problems started. We don't realize the gift that lies before us. Yea, I said gift. This gift is the power to move forward and to do better. We don't want that ideal, we want things the way they were.....

Closure and a Clean Slate

I've had this feeling that I'm feeling and it won't go away.... Actually, it never has gone away. I have just chosen to stop ignoring it... In my heart's eye, I feel as though all my relationships are like books, epic stories, or folders. The problem is that most of them AREN'T closed... I have all this unfinished love sitting around, waiting, hoping that someone will come back and love me again... Not wanting to close the book and losing out on a chance for old time love. I now have come to a point where I have to close these books PERMANENTLY... No more will I chase after old loves', old relations. No more will I throw myself at another female, either physically, mentally, or emotionally. No more will I stretch myself thin to please many and hurt myself. I read my namesake's blog and will put a new spin on his concept. My goal and my new mentality is now known as  the CSC (Clean Slate Closure) mentality. I will now strive to step into the new year, not holding on to the love that existed in the past, but to strive to clean off my emotional desk and start fresh for 2010. For those reading, I suggest you do the same. But be mindful, if you start to not feel anything at all, leave the books open... They might be your only temporary connection to your emotional life....


White Knight Returns

Vulnerablilty=Common Sense

Most women use the word "vulnerable" the same way parents use the word "sex." It's taboo to believe in such things because one leaves themselves open to the harshness of the outside. But I believe in the contrary... It's only when one has been weathered and tempered from the outside that one can really begin to understand the simplicities of the inside. I've gotten my heart broken more times than I can count. I've had my self-esteem destroyed and I've had my emotional essense ripped from me. But I honestly believe that as the days go by, I have a lil more common sense(even though I still do stupidness).

Common sense is something that most people don't usually use, but all people have it.

I'm not a Defroster

Why in my life do I have the responsibility of defrosting other people's hearts and minds?

Burned...

Don't you just fuckin' hate when you try to be the best for everyone all the damn time and you get chewed out for missing someone???? That's the plague of my entire fuckin' life. I don't know anymore... I'm tired of everything... I'm burned by being a friend..... Maybe I don't need to be anyone's friend......

Emotions

It is said that we don't have problems with situations until we form emotions towards them.  When we have problems with co-workers, spouses, boyfriends/girlfriends, and family members, these problems trigger memories of similar problems that either we've all encountered and have responded to or problems that we've seen take place and have seen particular responses to.  That process, in turn, triggers emotions that we've all stored for different situations.  So, in essense, all emotions that occur today are really replays of past situations. 

The big problem nowadays is how do we respond to new problems?  Do we replay the stored responses or do we re-evaluate each and every situation and make changes when necessary?  Unfortunately, most people don't have the time to re-evaluate or they just choose to follow what we have all labeled our "gut-instinct."  This so-called instinct is just a storage unit for emotions that have occured in our lives.  We have gotten so accustomed to using our "gut" to solve present situations that we have become "mentally complacent."  We don't really attempt to mentally enact a new emotional proocess. So, for example, if in a relationship, one of the people cheat, the pain that's felt is usualy a recap of either a previous relationship or a learned response from watching someone else go through it. 

So, what do we do with our emotions? Do we follow our gut or do we re-evaluate what we used to feel?  When we sit down watching TV, do we watch the same shows over and over?  If the anser is no, why do we replay the same emotions? Why not find better ways to deal with our emotions.......