Apart

Apart.....

Tripping, stumbling, falling, lost... is where I am. I don't know where to go. I don't know what to feel. I am disconnected from myself. I'm stuck in 100 different ruts without an escape. I made myself a hermit. I am apart. Apart from everything. Apart from my feelings, thought processes, true needs and desires. I am apart. I am not used to deciding, thinking, feeling, or responding on my own anymore. I am apart. I am in school, just to be there. I am home, just to be here. I am apart. I feel lost from everything and anything, but yet He is there.

You start to wonder why He sticks around, why you end up in certain places, feeling certain ways, thinking that you can never get anything right. Maybe I'm looking wrong. Sometimes I feel that way, sometimes I don't. I am apart. I don't know how to pull it all together anymore.

To all my friends that keep repeating the right things in my ear, please keep doing so.
To all my ex's that I have hurt in the past, please forgive me.
To all the people that came to me for advice, if you ever see that I need some advice and you feel compelled to do so, by all means you are welcome.

I need help, just as much as anyone else. I'm falling apart and it isn't at the seams anymore. It's at the core.

I am apart....