Learning

Realizations

I have realized some things in my life and one of the many things that I realize that I can't really control is my anger. I used to have a wrap on it, but I realize that I can't maintain it anymore. The simplest things set me off when I used to deal with them with ease. Is the truth that I never was able to cope with this stress?? I feel that I'm due to find out.

Wonderings

Ever wonder what keeps a good man "good"?? A good woman, is my response. There are things that we all have endured throughout our childhood, but it shouldn't stop us from being the men and women that the peace in our hearts has created. Be good to those who love you, even though it might be hard and they might not listen. No one is simple and neither man nor woman is an island.

People

I'm here and I don't know how to feel. I learned so much from him and his family. A father figure to be sure. A great man, in all regards. It tears me up. My heart and solemn prayers to all affected.

My thoughts

I have ADD and moderate depression, or that's what I've been told. I'm inclined to believe it based on the path my life has taken. The question that hits me now is: where to go from here?
Life always tries to get at me, but imma deal because she is something else. I'm gonna make it happen. Where I am with her is something from my wildest dreams!!!! Her love is something that can't be completely measured.
New lesson: everything can be quantified in dollars n cents.

The Things We Learn

I now know what the truth is. I now know what this feeling is. I now understand what I havne't been feeling... trust. Or the lack of it. You don't trust the fact that I'm not messing around. You don't trust the fact that I've been  buddy buddy with people, but it doesn't mean anything. You just don't trust me... fair enough, but do you love me? Do you really? Because I can look at all these so-called other chicks that you say my conversations indicate that I'm flirting with and none of them compare to you. None of them!!! So, you know what?? Whatever.... the ball is in your court. The next big decision you decide to make about us will be it.... I love you more than life itself. Ask my real friends, they know...Make your move....

Words from a half dead knight...

Lost

Where am I at wit mine? Idk. I have a plan, a goal, a destination but I can't FUCKIN GET THERE!!!!!!!!!!!   Have I been barking up the wring tree? Have I been nitpicking at the wrong people all these years? I'm in a place where I know what I want but it's pulling away from me. What's wrong with me? Maybe I've been my own problem all this time.... I haven't felt this way in a VERY long time. I don't know what to do anymore.... Help.....

MindBlown

You know when you miss someone so much, you end up with all this fidgety energy that you can't do anything with? That's where I am. I'm stuck in between You Got It Bad and Twisted. I miss her like trees miss water. I miss her like a person with hypothermia misses heat. I miss her like...like... like I can't even find words anymore. My heart has found his second home, because the first home is with the Father. I love her with all of me and will continue to do so. I love my Tee

Idk

A rock and a hard place is where I stand. I don't know what to do anymore. My heart is on fire and not in the good way. This heat wave is nothing compared to what I feel. I don't know how to feel right now. This is a place I thought I would never be again. I am torn, to say the least, between bogus rules and real wants. My heart....... but I digress, for I sound a bit selfish. She doesn't understand how much her words flow through my everything. She doesn't know how the mere utterance for happiness from her lips sends cascades of joy through my veins, through my body. The pain  that is here now isn't going to go away until I leave this place.... AGAIN. I left because I can't stand the fact that I have to feel this way. I left because there was a better place for me and it was the best place to be, up under her. I left because my heart and my soul agreed that I would live another year by making this decision. Oh, don't get me wrong. I'm not gonna fall off the planet when I now have a purpose. I have to shore up and stockpile my patience back to where it needs to be, because I'm going to need it. I don't know what life has in store for me, but I know that the caretaker of my heart was sent. I don't know how those who read this will take it, but I know you all have felt this way at one point or another. Love is a hard emotion to battle with. It doesn't blind you, as people would have you believe  because if that were the case, John 3:16 wouldn't be what it is. Love is an entity which resides within us all. We sometimes make the mistake and use it irresponsibly, but it's true to us nonetheless. The love that resides in me was sent by He who knows my afflictions. I love Him and I love her. I know what I have to do now.

TBC.......

Shower Thought

Shower Thought

You ever wondered if the men and women that run corporations did it by screwing each other? I always wondered..... People have "shagged" to get to the top, but is it right? Who knows? The American dream has converted from 40 acres and a mule to wanting a Bentley, a driver and a lot of fucking money. Who wants to be happy when money is all we worry about?

Interesting

Listening to this bird chick in my ear yellin
Makes me see that we need to stop stressin
Over some of the stupid shit we do
What you think? You not gettin hurt, fool?

The Destroyer

I didn't even see it coming this time. Always catches me off guard and always does some damage..... The Destroyer was a bad mindset that came over me, specifically during my relationships to screw them over. As I grew up, it got worse. The main reason I took a break from relationships back in 2009 was to try and destroy the destroyer. Obviously,  if I'm writing this, then it has shown its ugly face again. This time, my jokes have made my life hell. This current relationship is the blood that keeps me going. It was for this reason that I took a break and worked on me. But as I thought about it, since she won't speak to me, my test of character has begun early. By God's grace, I will pass because I love her.

The decisions we make

Do you think that the choices we make are what decide our lives or do other peoples choices matter??? I was watching The Adjustment Bureau and this question came to mind.  To watch the movie and see how their lives would be altered by the fact that they were together was crazy.  He wouldn't be able to be the President and she wouldn't be able to be the greatest choreographer in the world.  The question that pops into my mind is: does love really mean as much as you think it does?  This movie portrays love as the destruction of your dreams, but I disagree.  Life has so many ups and downs so that love gets forgotten in the shuffle.  Is love really important?  Can we rely on that emotional roller coaster to make our lives meaningful??  Looking back in life, I realized that love teaches the most lessons...

Shower Thought

You ever wondered if the men and women that run corporations did it by screwing each other? I always wondered..... People have "shagged" to get to the top, but is it right? Who knows? The American dream has converted from 40 acres and a mule to wanting a Bentley, a driver and a lot of fucking money. Who wants to be happy when money is all we worry about?

Growing Up

Life is a time where you get burned, and then you survive. It isn't something that we ever expect to do, but it happens. We go through life watching our parents wake up every morning, get dressed, and go to work. Sometimes they're happy, but most of the time, they aren't. We never wonder why.... and then we start school and understand that things won't be fed to us anymore. We now have to work to get anything we want and since then, we haven't liked it. What choice do we have? Life is made to give you choices that will not only better you, but make you grow as well. I have to admit that my mother was a great woman. She taught me how to function, even while under adversity, stress, and many other things. She also taught me how to pay attention to others needs. She helped me grow up. My life growing up wasn't what I expected of it, but I've had to roll with the punches somehow. No one can make the claim that every decision they made was a good one, but we all have had to make them to survive.... to grow. I hope that when I start my family that I can prepare my children so that their growing process was a little smoother than mine. I also have to give thanks to the wonderful people in my life, friends and loved ones alike, living or passed. Every single one of you have impacted me to grow and I thank you all. I will continue to grow and hopefully prosper in this life.

The White Knight
Grey Hairs of the Heart

The New Year Through My Eyes

2011.... A New Year and a new look on life, right? Well, to hell with that.  After saying my Happy New Year to friends and family, I wake up to hearing that my grandmother passed. What a hit, a blow, an idk...... I don't know what to think, other than life is supremely short. We sit here and wait and think that we have time.... We have time to fall in love... We have time to get that perfect job in life... We have time to get the 40 acres and the white picket fence.... And then life kicks us in the crotch and we have to be real.... That one day we can wake up and someone might be missing in our lives... It hurts a lot, don't get me wrong... Don't wait for time to get yourself together..... Do it now... 2011 is a year of Extreme Change, so don't expect life to flow how it is supposed to... It's just gonna roll and change whenever it feels like it... So enjoy your life while it is before you... Get right with God this year, my peoples. Lord knows I'm trying....

White Knight in a dark time.......

Dueces

Father Tips from the movie Taken

I just watched one of the best father/daughter movies in a while. Lol just kidding but this movie was fantastic just the same.  The movie Taken shows how being an overprotective father isn't a bad thing. Yea, of course, we don't need to be putting bullets in people, but the concept is the same: protect the daughter, by any means necessary. Ironically, some mother/son relationships don't flow the same. In father/daughter relationships, the daughter finds out at some point what she did wrong, but some sons don't ever find out. Sucks to be us, huh. Yea, I know. Not everyone suffers, but to those who have, I extend my hat to you. You are still breathing. Some of us aren't somewhere in the world. Not all of us could take that. We all need an outlet. Some turn to drugs, others turn to friends, who might do two things: help or hurt. Don't get me wrong, all friends are out there to help.  Not all friends help correctly, and that's how the end up hurting people. Some friends help with advice and support, others help with drugs and other alterior things. Who knows... Just be careful out there. And to all those who are daughters and had good fathers, give them a big hug.  To those who had bad fathers, tell him about himself, in front of the family ( after you told your mother first).

Dueces,

White Knight

Where you need to be...

The sky, so serene, yet so calming and wishing that we were there to experience it.

The sand, relaxing and hot in the sun, relaxing and cool during a night like this.

The water, flowing, yet there's a destructive force tamed by the sand and the sky.

Combine them and you have a moment in time so vivid and fresh that it can define your life.

Integrate them and you will have an instantaneous, emotional, fiery, compassionate scene that is the epitome of everything you have ever felt in your life...

Only thing missing is you, Boomsuga....

Signed, 

The White Knight 

Why I miss him...

As the days turn to weeks, months, and years, the amount of advice I need doesn't change.  I still need guidance because life doesn't make it any easier to live without a male role model. I already know what most of you are thinking: get over it. Well, I fucking haven't and I can guarantee that most of you have a family member in your life that you've lost and that YOU can't get over. So, I still miss my brother more than breathing.  Not everyone understand, but IDGAF, honestly.  I still need someone to look up to and to understand why shit is the way it is. I still don't get it most of the time... Don't judge me........ Deuces.

My eye

I wonder what I see when I look through the camera lens.  Then, I load the pictures to my computer, and it begins to make sense.  I have begun to believe that photography might be my calling, besides psychology and massage therapy. I feel at ease when holding a camera.  It's as though the camera finds and speaks the words that I could never find, think, or formulate.  As the shutter closes, the words are set in a state that I can mentally translate into rivers and oceans of emotion that haven't had an outlet in millennium (even though I haven't been alive that long).

As the stairs of life lose their shade, we have to wonder if we can still climb to our dreams.  How can we make it to the top? Can we walk it? Can we bring the color back?

Does your road through life look like this? Monotone and colorless? Well what you have to do is find what brings color to your life, whether it is a significant other (insert girlfriend, boyfriend, husband, or wife name here) or a hobby (like jewelry making).

Find the rose in your life that illuminates the dark parts in your life.

Find the purity that makes waking up in the morning something worth it.

This is what My eye sees......

Blast from the past....

I just went searching for my first blog. Unfortunately, Blogger wasn't my first (lol).

http://non-violent-sniper.xanga.com/

Check it out and tell me if I've grown.....


White Knight