Acceptance

Why is it that this concept runs my every waking moment? Why do I feel like I have to make everyone like me or I will die inside? Why does this heartache not dissipate when new friends are made or new relations are set in stone? Why do I need acceptance? Why do I crave it? Easy............ Because many people that have gone through my life don't really give a shit. Don't get me wrong... There are people that care. It's just that the simple fact that I've never been accepted for who or what I am. I've been accepted for who I can be in the future. Well, NEWS FLASH FUCKERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That isn't me yet. Don't get mad when the Knight that you want is still a bum trying to please the world now and can't do much for himself. What the fuck? It's less than 24 hours before my 28th birthday and what am I doing??? Venting because this all hurts so goddamn much. People don't understand why I'm always in pain.... Because it never goes away for me.... I don't get that fucking luxury.... Thanks world!!!!! I don't get the button that lets you live somewhat peacefully... Hell, I don't get the button that lets me have a fucking useful college degree.... The tears are sitting in my fucking eyes as usual but won't fall.... What the fuck did I do to deserve a shitty life such as this......... My pain racks my body like electricity going through train tracks... Non-stop. Even when I'm happy or laughing, if you look closely, I'm still hurting. I already know what most of my friends will tell me after reading this...... "everyone goes through this".... "it's just a phase"... Well fuck, if everyone goes through this, why is it that everyone hasn't been through college for almost 12 fucking years without a stable usable degree, huh?? Why?? I don't know... I don't know anymore... I don't have the energy to fight anymore.... It all hurts too much to think or feel anymore... Times heals shit...... I don't accept myself.....

Dueces