As I look through my life and my past relations, I start to see a trend that hasn't stopped. The trend is that I'm not going any fucking where!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I don't know why... Maybe it's because I'm not serious enough... Or maybe it's because I never put myself first (more about that in another blog). Maybe I really don't know what I want to do, how I should live my life, or whether I should be breathing still.... I don't know what to do with myself anymore. I am starting to feel sad all the time again. I hated and loved this feeling because it never left me. I'm trying to be happy.... I'm trying to be normal, but alas my endeavors to join society and put together a ramshackle of an existence is proving to be damn near motherfucking impossible. As I looked back, I see that everyone that was there isn't anymore. When I look at my present, I see that everyone around me is moving forward. Everyone tells me that I'm smart, intelligent, and all that cute shit. But what it all boils down to is this simple thing: I'm not doing a thing with my life and I HATE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I feel that my mind will explode due to this enormous reservoir of bottled up, stored away, untouched negativity that has taken permanent residence in my heart and soul. when it does explode, it will take my life from the shit that it is and do one of two things: make everything clearer so I know my path or kill me.........
What's it gonna be...................
No comments:
Post a Comment